Update

Not much has been going on lately, unless you count our trip to Jamaica! My mom, dad, sister, Drew and me went to the Breezes at Runaway Bay for a 6 day all inclusive trip in paradise! It was a blissful week of drinking rum and laying on the beach :) We were offered "special" cigarettes at least once a day, but none of us accepted- I promise.

It was an entirely different world there. The people either lived in shacks made out of scrap metal or beautiful ornate mansions. The average salary of the working class is $50USD/week and the highest paid professions are doctors, lawyers, and- get this- teachers! It was unique to say the least.

I can honestly say that if I would have had my puppy dog there with me, I could have stayed forever :)

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying...

I got my letter yesterday from OSU that was "pleased to inform me" that I was on their final waitlist for the Class of 2012. Sounds like a step forward, right? So why am I so bummed? They have over 1500 applicants, grant around 250, and only accept 88. And even though I'm not in the class yet, I'm one of about 25 people on the final waitlist. That in itself is an accomplishment, and I don't mean to sound selfish, but I want more.

I want to be a doctor. I want the call telling me that I have been accepted to school and I get to spend the next 4 years of my life studying harder than I have ever studied before. It is so hard to get up and go to work doing something that I don't really want to do. But then I feel so guilty for thinking that way. My patients love me. They constantly tell me they wish all the other nurse aides were like me, and I've had more than a few cry when they tell me goodbye. I am doing a good thing, I take care of people. But I don't like my job and I want more.

Is that wrong? God has given me this ability to be a really good CNA but no desire to do it, and the one thing I have a desire for, He isn't ready to give me. I know there is a plan, and I know there is a reason, but that doesn't make this any easier.