Friday, June 6, 2008

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying...

I got my letter yesterday from OSU that was "pleased to inform me" that I was on their final waitlist for the Class of 2012. Sounds like a step forward, right? So why am I so bummed? They have over 1500 applicants, grant around 250, and only accept 88. And even though I'm not in the class yet, I'm one of about 25 people on the final waitlist. That in itself is an accomplishment, and I don't mean to sound selfish, but I want more.

I want to be a doctor. I want the call telling me that I have been accepted to school and I get to spend the next 4 years of my life studying harder than I have ever studied before. It is so hard to get up and go to work doing something that I don't really want to do. But then I feel so guilty for thinking that way. My patients love me. They constantly tell me they wish all the other nurse aides were like me, and I've had more than a few cry when they tell me goodbye. I am doing a good thing, I take care of people. But I don't like my job and I want more.

Is that wrong? God has given me this ability to be a really good CNA but no desire to do it, and the one thing I have a desire for, He isn't ready to give me. I know there is a plan, and I know there is a reason, but that doesn't make this any easier.


Ashley said...

Hang in there. Believe me the patience thing takes work. God will give you peace as you wait and just think when you do get to be a doctor and if you choose to be a plastic surgeron then you can give your favorite cousin Ashley some new boobies !!!! ok i know this is a serious concern so just know i'm praying for you. Your right God as a plan and sometime that plan seems so far from what we want. But he turns all things to good! isn't it great to have the promises of god on our side!

Ashley said...

Happy ann. and by the way you need to post something new :)